Day 8: Writing 101 No Adverbs Allowed in this Descriptive Essay on Observations

I didn’t see what was going on. I was in the studio sketching with oil paints for the first time. The room is large, open, and has windows on three sides to optimize light within an old French-side building with a view of the Caribbean Sea that inspires me, even though my subject matter is not the quaint village shops across the way, or the sea beyond the rooftops.

Through the door from the studio to the shop–located in the windowless wall, as far away from the windows as possible, I hear voices and movement.  It is not what I see from my well-lit work area, but what I hear–another group of tourists debarking a tour bus outside the street-side window, and spreading out among the shops and eateries in the street below.  Potential customers, in colorful groups of two to four, climb the old-fashioned concrete steps to the shop behind which I work, complaining of the height of the European-style risers.  I hear them enter.  The shop is small.  It holds fragile ceramics placed well away from table and shelf edges, accessible yet safe; and jewelry–simple, complex–hand-created by local artisans and craftspersons, scattered across table-top sculptures and carvings or hanging from those special stands one finds in mall stores around the world.  African carvings and masks dominate the walls and higher shelves, with the intricate hand-cast ceramics, like skeletons of sea urchins, haunt nooks and crannies among the other items.

The wall that separates the shop from the much larger studio is thin, a newer separation than the building’s walls–strong concrete walls that protect against the Caribbean heat.  I hear a few tourists wander into the shop as I work, out of sight, on my project.  At 65, I have discovered that I can draw–so long as what I draw is from a picture or photo that I can measure centimeter by centimeter or align features with my pencil or brush.  Although I can draw to scale, my preference is to expand my project to fill my page–sometimes to the very edges of the paper or canvas.  I’m working on that, but I estimate the enlargement with my measuring techniques.

Trigger Fish

Trigger Fish

Tourists enter and leave, friends drop by and are “treated” to my lasted completed work–a run-of-the-mill trigger fish covered in unique spots ranging from standard shapes to tiny complex images like tattoos on a human body.  Only when familiar patterns appeared to my eyes–cat shapes, a lying dog, a high-heeled shoe, owls, a little man–did that drawing become fun and almost perfect.  I think the tutor’s photocopy of her work contained little “jokes” of shapes in her original work; but she says no–it was like finding friends in her parents’ marbled flooring when she was a child, or finding familiar figures in clouds.  She did not put in the “jokes” like those often found in complex art from the Renaissance. I chuckle, and perform my practice of sketching in oil paints,  observing how mineral spirrits and paper towels replace an eraser.  Despite the new medium, I discover that my attempts at drawing basic shapes still suck. My eyes see the correct shape; my mind says, “No, not an ellipse: a circle,” and overrides my eyes’ observation.  Result: my hand draws a circle.

www.richard-seaman.comShop distraction was welcome, and helped me relax enough to draw that ellipse, or replicate the shape of the new poisson, my current subject cycle. Trigger fish, to be exact. This one is both more simple and more complex than last week’s, for it was a queen trigger fish, identifiable mostly by the little crown-like fin leading a secondary fin along the upper spine.  The model is unclear, and I know the iPad will find me lots of queen trigger fish when I return home to my internet access (like the one pictured here).

The conversations between or among tourists (all Americans and Canadians, from the accents) are fun to listen to, and I am able to imagine exactly what is happening, such as the bracelet a daughter picks up to try on and, with much hope, begs Mom to buy for her.  There are the conversations between spouses or partners as they argue about whether an eggshell-thin hand-cast ceramic item will survive the trip home or–worse–customs.  An elderly lady picks up one of the colorful hand-made elephant cushions: How adorable! And look.  It can be used as a neck pillow on the plane home from Florida! [where most US cruises seem to originate].  I could almost hear the woman’s hand caress the stylized elephant.  Her friend thinks the price is too high for what is nothing more than a child’s toy, and the woman sighs as she supposes so, and I imagine the wistfulness in her eyes as she puts the pillow back in its basket with the rest of its mates.

Between customers, my tutor bustles into the studio, corrects a mistake here and there, explains my problem, chats about things in general.  Just before my time with her is up, a couple come into and purchase a handful of small items.  I don’t hear them come in as I clear my space and pack up.  I think it is Vivie’s first sale of the day, with the tourist “high season” winding down and shops basically low on inventory.  She comes into the studio with several coppery and wooden trinkets in one hand, grabbing purple wrapping tissue with the other.  I smile and hand her my tuition after the trinkets and paper are laid onto some clean counter space. I air-kiss her good-bye as the purchasers stumble into the studio.  They look a bit bewildered at the empty work space, so she explains to them that this is the studio part of her business and that I am a student.  I nod good afternoon to them as I turn and walk out the studio door–the one just a few steps further along the balcony from the shop entrance.

It had been a great morning for me–finding out how easy it is to work with oil (although I don’t think much of cleaning up oily paintbrushes), how proud Vivie had been of my first fish, and how much fun it is to discover new talents.

#writing101

About DrEMiller

Certified Zentangle Teacher (CZT). Home: Sint Maarten. K-12 teacher for 13 years (Special Education for 10 years); Post-secondary educator since 2002; Education consulting since 1995. When teaching, held teaching certificates in K-12 special education, reading specialist; and secondary social studies. Doctorate: Educational Psychology Programmer/analyst for 10 years, including project management and training of corporate execs.
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4 Responses to Day 8: Writing 101 No Adverbs Allowed in this Descriptive Essay on Observations

  1. DrEMiller says:

    Just keep on plugging away. Best wishes for much success!

  2. e says:

    This was one of the hardest assignments for me but you did a great job. Pretty picture too!

    • DrEMiller says:

      e, thanks for the compliment. Now here’s some truth: one of the main reasons I took this assignment “off” the day it was posted because I, also, thought it was too hard to tackle in one day. I’m not sure where you live, but I receive the posts around 7:00 pm, so there’s plenty of time to think about it before working on it the next day. I could not think of a single way to handle this assignment. Not one. To me, this was the hardest one yet. It took me the whole evening, the whole next day, and the day after that to figure out a setting, much less how I would tackle the writing. I took the “chicken’s way” out by combining a familiar place with what I overheard, using what I heard to fill in what I couldn’t see but could imagine because I’ve seen it time after time in shop after shop. I sort of got the idea of how to approach this during my drawing lesson while listening to customers I couldn’t see, but didn’t really think about it as being practicable: nothing in the directions said, “fill in the blanks from what you only hear.” Worse, I am not 100% sure of how to use or not-use adverbs because all I know about them is what I learned in junior high–adverbs modify verbs. So it’s not just words ending in -ly, although that’s true most of the time. But what about using a phrase to modify the verb? Does that make it an adverbial phrase? And are adverbial phrases also forbidden in this assignment? Finally, and with many more interruptions than I can usually deal with (wow! 2 adverbs in this sentence already!!), I just threw up my hands and let whatever my mind wanted to say type through my hands. I went back and took an -ly adverb out here and there afterwards, or just turned the whole thing into a descriptive phrase–but I was beyond the point of actually caring when I sat down to start because…well, because I knew I would get it wrong anyway. I’m not even 100% convinced that I used my own voice. Sure, I wrote it as the observer, but that’s not voice–that’s just point of view. I hope that I was able to write the way I speak, but I speak differently with friends than I do with people I don’t know, and even more differently when I speak in public (which I really, really hate, and why I liked the individualized approach to teaching that I mastered with special ed kids, and the “you guys run this seminar” approach that I used for workshops and college-level classes). The only “voices” that I know for sure are not mine are when I start getting “flowery,” or when I start getting “high-brow.” I know; long answer to a short comment, but I really do like your writing style and hope that I can give you a little encouragement to keep that voice you use while learning different ways to apply it. I’m not terribly good at encouragement, but you have some real talent and I want to see your writing grow–from your voice, with some really hard assignments. I haven’t had the opportunity to read more than a few of your posts–lack of time, not lack of desire.
      One of the best ways to improve writing is working in small groups and reading each other’s works with the sole purpose of giving constructive criticism among all members involved. I don’t know WordPress well enough to know if authors/bloggers can form little groups to comment on each other’s pieces before publication. But there are ways outside of WP where private groups can be formed–Facebook, Google+ (or whatever they’re calling themselves now), DropBox… Want to try to form a small group to help each other out?

      • e says:

        Thank you so much for taking the time to give such a detailed response. I especially thank you for this, “keep that voice you use while learning different ways to apply it”! That’s what the exercises/writing prompts are doing, forcing me to stretch.

        As it relates to forming a group, time does not permit my doing so but I think it’s a great idea.

        I wish you all the best and am grateful for your feedback.

        Be blessed beyond measure…

        e

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